Post 12

Hey there!

How are you doing? We're doing pretty well. As you can see from the cute little baby picture countdown thingy, we are on week 21, which is pretty spooky for me because the Deuce will soon be loose....

Why is this spooky? Well, for me it means a 200% increase in the amount of people that actually rely on me to consistently provide a means to live, and this is pretty heavy stuff. Looking back on all the wonderful things I've had in my life, it seems a challenge to me that I provide the same wonderful things I experienced to my own children, Captain Awesome and Buttercup. Life is pretty hard on a lot of folks, and I don't know if it was just dumb luck, or more likely being blessed by God, that so far I've had a pretty good life. Of course I attribute this to a generous supply of charm and good looks, not to mention loads of humility...but seriously...it's been wonderful, and I'm sure it will be even more so with the Deuce loose in Sticker and Grasshopper land...but it is a little scary. I mean, I'm the Dad, and when I look back on my own experience with my own Dad, it means that YOU have to be able to FIX anything and know how to get out of any jam you're jammed up in....and I can certainly handle that. Fixing is definitely my strong suit....but it just bears down on you and it's certainly bearing down on me now. It's go time...and the Deuce are on the way.

I know...it will be fine...and I genuinely believe that as Kelli and I have been able to get ourselves through a lot of things....she's a wonderful woman and will be a wonderful mom (she already is...technically). I myself have a wonderful mom as does Kelli....I just hope I can be as good a Dad to the Deuce as my mom has been a great mom to me (and yes, still is, technically :) )

Ok, dry your eyes sissy pants.....

Sorry for not posting much lately...we've been stressed out with the new house, the new people growing inside Kelli's body...etc. BUT....we finalized the finish selections for the house (aren't we such spoiled children?) so THAT'S BEHIND US...now it's a big load of HURRY THE *&^% UP WITH THE HOUSE YOU KNUCKLEHEADS for our builder. Of course, as a few of you know, I've made my life's work out of telling people how to build buildings...and tonight, let's just say, you may want to say a little prayer for our superintendent because...well, you all know me and...let's just say when I feel the need for speed, YOU better feel it too, because the one thing I completely lack, besides intelligence, is any amount of PATIENCE.

So if you are reading this blog post Mr. Superintendent, my advice to you is this....put the laptop down and get your butt back to living and breathing and working on my Deuce House.

Ok...I'm good now. Deep breath, deep breath.

So...how's Kelli doing? She's doing really great! (I know, great is an adjective, not an adverb, and I should have used an adverb to describe how she feels, as an adverb is meant to modify verbs, not nouns, but saying Kelli feels GREATLY sounds stupid so....blow it our your participle if you don't like it....and yes, we really focus on grammar very intensely here at the Dirt Farm, mainly because we are very boring, boring people..well I am.)

Anywho...we had a big week last week...THE BELLY BUTTON HAS COME OUT OF ITS SKIN...literally....we are now an outty. This is very troubling because 1) how much bigger will the belly get? and 2) it's not much of a belly bumper if Kelli happens to run the Belly into something like a table, a desk, or a David Karr...there isn't much there to protect her. That's why we've decide that at all times, Kelli will be wearing a semi-inflated tractor tire innertube around her waist to prevent these types of belly-bump-accidents. As soon as we get her a pair of suspenders, we will be maxed for safety....and of course...SAFETY FIRST at the Dirt Farm.

Of course she's not really wearing this....but it's funny to imagine her with this on, don't you think? It is for me.

But why would I be bothered by these kinds of accidents? BECAUSE last week we had another interesting turn of events....THE BABIES ARE MOVING AND WE CAN SEE AND FEEL THEM MOVING INSIDE THE BELLY....

One word.....F R E A K Y D E A K Y !! (well maybe that's two)

Yes, this is really freaky...and what's funny is that Kelli's doctor, her friends, and other noted experts on babystuff, including numerous authors of many of the books in our Baby Book Library of Congress said that this would at first feel like a flutter....like a little angel kiss. Not so much with the Deuce. One day she was sitting on the green monster couch in her jammy bottoms and wife-beater and THUMP THUMP...they came a knockin'.

Now that's some pretty cool biology stuff going on...I mean, we saw these hombres when they had something like 8 cells each, and now they're pounding on the door looking for some food AND WE CAN SEE IT FROM OUTSIDE! Whoa!

They have become very demanding, which just goes to show they have definitely inherited some genes from the mom-unit. Kelli was taking a nap the other day (because she had been awake for over 45 minutes) and the Deuce decided IT'S TIME TO WAKE MOM UP FOR SOME CHOW. So rat-a-tat-tat....up came the K-Dog. I sense they are trying to 1) prepare us for when they arrive and 2) train us for some future monster chow sessions.

This has lead us to have some interesting conversations. First, we are having trouble with names....mainly BECAUSE ONE OF THOSE LITTLE ALIENS HAS REFUSED TO REVEAL WHAT TYPE OF PLUMBNG HE/SHE IS EQUIPPED WITH and two, we have started to wonder about what the babies will look like.

Kelli and I are biological opposites, like ebony and ivory, living in perfect harmony (or whatever you call this...by the way, isn't perfect harmony redundant...would you ever have imperfect harmony? Paul McCartney is an idiot).

Back to genetics....Kelli is a superhot superfox thin, athletic, blonde-hair blue-eyed Aryan superhuman-type, and I'm more of a scruffy, squatty, big-haired dim-witted husky brown-on- brown Mexican-without-a-sombrero type of person. (yes, I wore husky-fit Toughskins as a kid....and still have a butt that could pull a mule out of a ditch).

Mixing us up genetically could be all sorts of fun. I am hoping for a petite, tan skin, blue eyed girl and a strong-as-an-ox husky brute of a boy. I am hoping against hope that we don't get a strong as an ox husky girl, although this may get college paid for..HELLO WOMEN'S SHOTPUTTING. As for a wimpy petite little boy...I guess he could go into real estate.

Anyway...better close for now. We will get some more belly pics up here tomorrow. I've gotta go take a bath and have Kelli brush my hair before we go to bed. I'm so pampered.

Thanks for dropping by.

Oh, I took this picture on 635 in Dallas.....I am hoping to get a very similar set up for Kelli once the Deuce arrive.

What do you think? You can like?