Post 16

9 Weeks.

That's right, we have 9 weeks to go.

That means that in 9 weeks, we will have two little micros here on the dirt farm cranking through diapers, blankets, wipes, and God knows what else. I better stock up on beer.

Lord have mercy on us.

I had always heard that pregnant couples get to this point where they realize that the BABIES WILL BE COMING SOON, and the notion that there will indeed be babies living with you moves from a "long ways away" time to a hard reality that yes, the babies are indeed going to be here...soon....yessirree...they are definitely going to be here. The clock is ticking.

For me, that time was this weekend.

We went to BRU (Babies-R-Us, for those not having experienced the wonder that it is) and it was different from the last time we were there. There was a very real sense of urgency this time.

It's kinda like what it might be like to visit the grocery store knowing there is a Category 5 hurricane bearing down on you, and there you are, in the store, not just looking for some different kind of croutons like you did last week, but searching for the things you need to SURVIVE! Yes, that's what it was like....we needed to get the stuff we will need to MAKE IT THROUGH.

It was a little nerve-racking....and guess what? Fear makes you learn very quickly.

I am learning more every day about this baby stuff.

For instance, did you know that onesies are basically underwear for babies? I didn't know that until this weekend. I thought it was a shirt/shorts combo deal, but turns out it's an underwear. So if you see a baby walking around your office in a onesie, you could say "Hey you're in your underwear baby" and you'd be right...because it's underwear...not a shirt.

I think it'd be cool if they made men's clothes like that...if they made a nice dress shirt or, really, any kind of shirt, where at the bottom, it turned into an underwear. That'd be genius. That's Nobel Prize material right there folks. You'd never have any problems with your shirt coming untucked and you could get dressed in the morning that much faster. Yes, we need men's onesies. All you'd need are a onesie and a pants and shazam....you're done bro. You're ready to roll. I hope you knuckleheads at Dockers are reading this blog because it's a gold mine. First we had the expando-belt and now the men's onesie. I am an idea factory!

I also learned that baby sizes are weird. For instance, did you know that baby clothes are sized by year, not by some actual physical unit of measurement like inches? What's even weirder is that a very small onesie is a size "0 to 6 months"....BUT....a size "Newborn" onesie is even smaller.

So what this means is that Newborn is actually younger than 0 (zero) months old, which frankly blows my mind a little. If you ask me, I'd say that anything less than 0 months old is PRE-BORN, not newborn. Seriously, unless Kelli was with me and she told me to go get a onesie for the new babies, I'd get "0 to 6 months" size onesie because, guess what, that is the age range our little punkin' heads fit into....not less than zero. For those of you familiar with our friend the Number Line, less than zero is negative.

Stupid baby clothes people. Quit making things hard on people who aren't getting any sleep anyway.

LIke I said, learning baby stuff is fun. Last week we went to baby class (Twins Class) and I learned that 1) the best way to hold your baby while you're walking is to hold her like a football, which I did NOT know, and I also learned that 2) the reason they have so many types of bottle nipples at the BRU is that the idea is to buy a bottle nipple that is shaped like Mama's real-life nipple, so the baby is fooled into thinking that it's really Mama, and not a bottle. Clearly, this is brilliant.

I had no idea! Of course, now I understand why they have this giant wall of bottle nipples at the BRU! When we went to BRU for the first time, there were all these women just staring at the wall of nipples, really analyzing and studying the nipples and there I was wondering "What the heck are they staring at? Aren't they all the same?" Well no, they are not.

Which leads me to think...if Mom's needed a nipple-matching expert, why didn't they bring good ol' Dad in to match the nipples up? No one looks at his wife's boobs more than Dad. Like I said...I'm an idea factory.....and at this rate, will probably be writing this next post from jail if I keep this up.



So....how was your Thanksgiving? We went up to Missouri to visit the fam damily. Everybody is doing well, meaning, they're all as nuts as they ever were.

We had a lot of fun visiting and yammering, and Mamaw had a great time whipping our butts at ChickenFoot every night. Personally I think she's using loaded dominoes. We set Mom's wireless router up for her laptop, then broke into her neighbor's wireless network, which he had so preciously named "Jeff'sB*tch" (very nice!) and in the morning, everyone enjoyed taking 2 minute showers before the water got cold. Oh well....it works ok...one day you wash the top, and the next day you wash the bottom.

We went into town and hunted for antiques, met some weird people at the fudge/stained glass store who were vociferously arguing about the merits of applying your own coloring to white Christmas light bulbs, or just going to WalMart for "store-colored" lights (yes, it was riveting and scary all at the same time), we put up some smoke detectors for Mamaw (and tested them), then watched the neighbor get his 4-wheeler repossessed by the bank. We also took some serious naps on the La-Z-Boy in the living room. It was awesome....I love my family....they are some very wonderfully nice people, which makes me wonder how I turned out how I did. Oh well, even statistics allows for errors every now and then.

Charles is doing well. Kelli and I drove up with Charlie and of course, Charlie never ONCE offered to drive. He just expects us to chaeufeur him around wherever we go. Whatever. I'm so sick of his a-hole attitude. Seriously....can't you even offer? All he does is sleep and go potty....oh wait, that's Kelli.

Speaking of pets...they made us watch the dreaded Multiple Birth Video in the baby class.

Some things aren't meant to be filmed.

I know, they say it's a miracle, and I suppose it is. I was thinking it was a miracle the kids even made it through the thick jungle forest if you know what I mean...and then one of the girls in the class cleverly asked if they shave you before the birth! Hello! If that woman on the video was post-shave, then we just saw the first ever Sasquatch live birth ever recorded. Good grief woman...can I get a bottle of Nair, STAT! Grrrrr-illa!

Oh that was horrible.... I know.....but it was funny for me.

Sasquatch...that's just funny. I can't get it out of my mind...

Anywho....learning stuff about babies is fun.

So how's Kelli doing? Kelli is doing great! Sure she's tired and miserable, and has heartburn and feels like a blimp, but that's what we call "normal" around here. She really looks great....feels poorly, but looks awesome.

We're at the point where we just sit around and watch the Deuce move around in her belly all the time. That is some freaky-deeky stuff. They are both about 2lbs 9 oz each, and are symmetrical, healthy babies. We are blessed by God beyond what we deserve. Truly, it is a miracle.

So it's getting late, and it's time for me to hit the sack so I can wake back up when Kelli gets up to pee every hour. Poor devil...and poor Kelli too. :)

We will get a belly pic up here tomorrow, and maybe I can tell some funny stories about how she can't pick anything up off the floor anymore because she's my little personal Santa.

Thanks for stopping by.