Post 33

Hola!

Well oh well....it's been quite a month since my last post. Sorry about that...you all have probably given up on us. Well, don't feel bad, you're not the only ones...we've almost given up on ourselves as well.

Everybody's doing really well!

The girls are doing really really well, and Kelli and I are holding up ok. We seem to be getting into a rhythym, and, after having lowered our standards, are beginning to learn how to operate on 3-4 hours of sleep.

Speaking of sleep...

It's around 6am and I'm still up from the 4am feeding. Good grief...feeding one while praying that the other doesn't wake up and go into full scream mode is tough. Today I learned a cool trick from Kelli...if you have one down on the changing table, you can prop her bottle up on the window ledge behind the changing table while you tend to the other screaming ding-dong. This is a good trick, one that I used only a few hours ago. Kelli is smart and stuff.

Of course, it's really about survival at this point, and those of you with twins understand...it's like being in a machine.

The process:
Either you are asleep or you're barely awake, then you hear the screaming/crying, go in to soothe that baby, hope like hell the other one doesn't go into full scream mode, because if that happens and you are unarmed (without a bottle) then you're hosed, lay her down, put in her pacifier, run downstairs (yes....we have the nursery upstairs, and my glutes are WICKED!), make a bottle (given that you even have a clean bottle and parts laying around...if you don't, then you're really fired) run back upstairs, lay her down on the changing table, change her diaper, put her clothes back on...God-willing...(and all those friggin' snaps!!!!!), (PLEASE DON'T WAKE UP, OTHER BABY!!!) wash your hands (I am only inserting this step in case CPS is monitoring this blog, which is probably a good idea...if using alcohol gel is acceptable, then we're off the hook), put on her bib, which illicits instant crying and screaming because, well obviously, bibs are sooooo horrible and evil to babies, grab a burp cloth or some type of fabric something...even carpet scraps work ok, sit down on THE CHAIR and stick the bottle in her mouth...which, if things are going as they normally are, is wide open in a full scream/cry/devil-conjuring/speaking-in-tongues yell at this point. Of course...the magic nipple turns all the bad things off and it's time to EAT!!!

The feeding itself takes about 30 minutes if you are feeding Maddie, because she's "Slow-Boat" or about 10-15 minutes if you are feeding Isabelle, aka "Shop-Vac". Throw in a couple of burps and throw-ups, and you're looking at about a 45 minute process per baby.

So....let's do the math, because math is the international language.

Time between feedings...3 hours.

3 hours - (45 minutes for one baby) - (45 minutes for the other baby) = 1.5 hours for sleep/eat/shower/laundry/general survival, etc.

As you can see...this doesn't leave much time for sleep, which is precisely correct. The irony, as I've mentioned before, is that while caring for something that requires as much care as a baby, God has decided that this should be done with a complete lack of restful sleep. With all due respect, I'm not sure this is such a great idea, however, considering the very low statistical probability that a couple will have twins, this offsets the bad design. Unless it happens to you...which is where we are today.

That being said...Kelli, yet again, has proven to be my personal hero, because she does all this stuff ALONE during the day, and when I come home from my gallavanting (aka, my job) then my real job starts, which is keeping the machine going, and going, and going.

So...all this circles back to the reason for such a long time between posts. We are under fire here people! We need to call in an airstrike, asap! We are under fire!

So....since we last spoke, we've been keeping the kids alive, and we've moved into a new house, and yes, doing these two things simultaneously is a terrible idea....truly. I don't recommend it.

But...the house is great, as much as we can tell (we can see most of it now) and the kids love it...they love the backyard and their new room....just kidding. They wouldn't know if I'd sat them down on the moon...as long as there was a bottle and someone to throw up on, they'd be happy. Sounds like college doesn't it?

Speaking of throw up...

Last night, I was holding Isabelle, who was steady holding at 150psi because Kelli had just aired her up, and I, having completely fallen in love with her, wanted to kiss her full little lips. She's so pretty (fat, but pretty...like Anna Nicole Smith used to be). So, I was kissing her and she was kissing me back and it was so wonderful, then Isabelle decided she wanted to show Daddy how much she loves him by THROWING UP IN MY MOUTH. What a treat! And I thought the food tasted bad while it was still in the bottle... So, we've issued a temporary no-mouth-kissing moratorium until it has been determined that babies can keep baby throw up inside baby tummies, and not put baby throw up in Daddy's mouth. Daddy doesn't like to taste throw up, much less throw up that does not belong to him.

Oh what fun....

They really are wonderful little girls, and when they aren't screaming and/or generally going bananas, they are really sweet...I can tell they will be so very kind and sweet, someday, and they will have tea parties, where Maddie will cry when someone used her napkin and Isabelle will end up eating her chair. They are such funny monkeys.

Of course, we like to have fun, because we like the nightlife, we like to boogie, and we're only joking at the expense of our children....they truly are a blessing and we love them very much....and I can't wait until I can show them how to operate a mower and a weedeater. That will truly be a great day!

Well, better close for now...I hear the monsters stirring upstairs. Time to work those glutes and time to make some bottles.

Thanks for stopping by.

Don't forget to stop by the Flickr page at http://www.flickr.com/photos/littleloosedeuce and enjoy cute pics like this one....



Aren't they cute little devils!!! I bet you can't tell they were both screaming there lungs out while I was snapping these photos...

This is the classic Double Wisconsin Pin move that I'm sure Isabelle will use once she joins the Baby World Wrestling Federation. The key here is to push your fingers into your opponents ears to quell there defense. She's got vicious moves. Of course she can always resort to throwing up on you.

Adios moist nachos!